SEATTLE — We could all use a good laugh, now more than ever. But with all the comedy clubs shut down for the foreseeable future, we wondered how a few of our favorite local comedians are getting by.
Don't expect any serious responses. Again, these are comedians.
"I'll be honest with you," said standup Duane Goad. "It's not easy. I've been calling strangers every morning when I wake up and telling them jokes."
There's a stranger's voice crackling from Goad's phone.
"I don't know who you are but we're not interested. Don't call again."
"Okay, well, they're not all going to be fans," Goad said.
Comedian Andrew Rivers said, "I drove in a carpool lane yesterday by myself because I'm a bad boy."
Writer and performer, Mary Kobayashi is staying housebound.
"It's hard to stay in good spirits during a quarantine. Make jokes, but remember to keep them clean," Kobayashi said, as she embraces a stack of paper towel and toilet paper rolls. "No, you can't have any of these."
"I actually have plenty of toilet paper," Rivers said, "but my grocery store was out of almond milk. That's been rough because regular milk causes me to use too much toilet paper."
"I've never been happier," Corry said, "I've been social-distancing since birth because humanity grosses me out."
Morning radio host Jose Bolanos of Movin' 92.5 wonders why some things never change.
"It doesn't matter if we're all going to work or if no one's going to work," Bolanos says. "One thing stays the same: in Seattle, there is no parking. Anywhere. Ever!"
Humorist and graphic artist Leah Tiscione is unnerved.
"I haven't been this terrified of my own hands since my last acid trip," she says.
Our social distancing may be cramping Tiscione's morning stroll.
"I walk six miles a day. I've been doing it every day for a long time. I live here on Beacon Hill. Now that everybody's quarantined, people are outside walking around like it's cool all of a sudden. I just wanted to mention that I invented walking. These are my streets. Go home."
Home is where we all are.
"What a better opportunity than to bond with my son?" Goad says. "I taught him how to hunt, track and catch his own toilet paper."
Life's not so bad when you stay put and stay calm.
"Stay safe," implores Rivers. "Don't hug anybody!"